Scholarship Granting Letter

This letter was given to RMIT Vietnam for a scholarship grant, after coming back from Swinburne University. It was tough to overcome those days, but eventually, it was over.

To whom it may concern,
People would think scholarships are granted to outstanding students. However, I would believe, chance is equal to anyone who knows how to grasp the nettle. I do know, in comparison to the top students, I did not earn impressive scores in my high school senior years, and in all likelihood, my name would be dropped to the end of the candidate list. Nevertheless, I would believe in a miracle, a miracle that would happen on me.
There is a story I want to share. I have been thinking these days, before writing this letter, trying in vain to find a way to loosen the rope tying my heart. There is a solution I called ‘putting down’, not ‘giving up’.
Hardly had I just completed the first semester doing Multimedia Design at Swinburne University Malaysia campus when I received a call from my mother asking if I can drop my course, for which my family cannot afford on account of the economy crisis. At the moment she spoke, I noticed by heart, not on every word she said, but how she vocalized these words into sounds with a sorrow voice of a heart-broken mother. If I was unhappy at that moment, then how much greater depression she was in to complete these words. She sleeps much these days, my sister said, to escape from what she must confront, I thought, and the more she does that, the more desperate she was.
Perhaps, my dad was right to say that I need to wake up, wake up after my dream, a naive and foolish dream ever as he thought about having taken my course. I could not expect him to understand what I am chasing, what I am dreaming, or somehow even did he understand, he could change nothing. The decision is not on his hand, but mine, a decision is made without a chance to choose an option. Of course, finally, I need to wake up, as he said, but from a dream of a chance, a chance of an opportunity. Not only my parents, but also my sister and brother were pulled into this mess. I would never lay the blame on anyone for this aftermath, not even my father. They have made an opportunity, but cannot hold that just long enough for their son and their brother. I must appreciate their effort. Hence, I cannot be that selfish to ask anyone in the family to give up their dreams and earn money for my study. Finally, I have decided to withdraw the course. At a deep level of this psyche, I know I have failed them greatly.
Possibly, it would be a good decision that can release us from desperation, from mine and other's. There is derision around this joke perhaps, but it is not anyone's fault at all. For me, it must be an honor, but for them, it is a shame.
Never would I regret what I have done, and neither do they, I believe. I am not going to draw up a list of my advantages, just because of a simple reason that there is no perfect one on Earth. If I am good, then there is someone better. It is just how much effort people pay for doing a certain thing, and I am always trying for my best.
When I was young, I was taught study is for students themselves, not for their parents. As getting older, I realized it is somehow not that correct, at least in my case. I figured out study is not only for me, but for my parents, my family and anyone who have sacrificed themselves to give me a chance. It is a little disappointing, but it is always the bright side a person should look at. There is always someone luckier than you, and of course, in contrast, there is someone on Earth just not that fortunate.
I have written this letter. At least, I have tried, not to give up a chance. I would very much appreciate your concern.
Yours sincerely,

Du Cam Hong
214/82 Han Hai Nguyen
Ward 9 District 11
Ho Chi Minh City
Tel: 39615027
Mobile: 01227774668
Email: ducamhong@hotmail.com

爸，我长大了！

外面在下着倾盆的大雨，爸突然回来了，他在门外等了一会，望着在看电视的孩子们，仿佛在希望他的孩子能下去给他开门或至少给他一视眼光，希望他还在儿子们的心目中。最后，他还是自己开门，拿好东西就走。

这一刹那令我联想到祖母一年前的死，那是我一生最沉重的遗憾。在生之时，她对媳妇，对孙子，做了很多的错事。她活着是带着那样凶恶的脸孔，而入殓的时候又是带着那样慈祥的笑容，这时候我们都明白自己也犯了大错，无法回补的大错。无论她做了什么，她还是我们的祖母，对我们还有着无暇的关心，我们都不应该离弃了她。而这一瞬间，望着那倾斜飞射的雨，我又发现自己反上同一个错误。爸，他爱孩子们，错的是他不会表达他的爱，他不是不关心，而没有机会去了解孩子们，他不是想让人讨厌，而是对孩子们怀着太大的期望。

有一次，他很吃力骂我，骂我不懂事，最后骂到咳嗽。这时刻我突然发觉他所骂都不再重要，我只是希望他能停下来，喘一下气。而对祖母，我以前没有这样去想过。也许我让他失望，去留学念了他认为没有前途的专修，或许他不明白我所追求的梦，就像我没有了解他所做的。他希望孩子们能跟随他的道路，完成他没有完成的愿望。他希望孩子们能学到更多。始终，这不应该是他的错。

也许做孩子的不会理解父母的心声。我们所做的只是不断的埋怨而没有一次尝试去体会他们。就像一位文学家所说，如果我们不亲身体会，就永远不能明白一个人所做的，而会觉得他。我从中明白了一个道理，下一次在怪别人之前，我会自问，自己又尝试去理解了吗？

在一场梦里，我曾经对他说：“爸，我长大了！”我还希望能有这一天。

There is a solution called putting down

"I believe there would be a solution for every problem. I have chosen myself a way to put down, not to give up."

I have been thinking these days, trying in vain to find a way to lease the rope tying my heart, too tight to breathe. Finally, I found one. Whatever, life should be carried on.

Perhaps, my dad was right to say that I need to wake up, wake up after my dream, a naive and foolish dream ever as he thought. I need to wake up, but from a dream of a chance, a chance of an opportunity. I would never blame anyone on this, not even my father or my mom. They have made an opportunity, but cannot hold that just long enough for their son. I must appreciate their effort. I could not expect him to understand what I am chasing, what I am dreaming, or somehow did he understand, he could change nothing. The decision is not on his hand, but mine, one decision is made without a chance to choose an option.

Possibly, it would be a good decision that can release us from desperation, from mine and other's. There is derision around this joke perhaps, but it is not anyone's fault at all.

I would never regret what I have done. Nothing is bad, just not be better enough. It is a little disappointing, but it is always the bright side a person should look at. There is always someone lucky than you, and of course, in contrast, there is someone not that fortunate.

Maybe, there will not be a farewell, even if there is any, people apart forever.

留念

不知道明日的离别是否为了以后的重逢，或意味着没有重逢的时刻。有点儿高兴，为了终于回家而开心，又有点留念，留念这四月来经历的一些，留念这里所留下的，所离开的，就像当初离开家园时一般的留念。也许人生中不该有这么多的留念，离开了也未必能相逢，只好珍惜这一切，这一刹那，这一瞬间。

New portfolio created here, on Blogger

I have been working till 6.45 in the morning to finish the theme today, I am not trained to use CSS or XML so it is somehow worth figuring it out myself from a original template. I would prefer Yahoo! 360, but it is to be closed.

It is the end of my 1st sem at Swinburne now. Lots of memories and things to hold. Whatever, it is my uni life. At this moment, I had a friend gone after his graduation, someone I called big brother.

暂时的离别是为了再次重逢时的感动。

One sem has passed, what I can learn are lots and what I know are little. Knowledge and skill are still on their way to be mastered and also myself. What have been learned so far? What else besides knowledge?

Of course, there would be many.

Welcome to my blog.